How to Support Yourself: Everyday Practices for Wellbeing

Gun Meskanen
Jan 1
3 min read

Supporting your own wellbeing isn’t something that happens by accident — it’s something you build, one choice at a time. In a world full of stress, change, and unpredictable events, we often default to self-criticism, rumination, or avoidance. Yet there are simple, evidence-based ways to shift how we relate to ourselves and the experiences we face.

Psychotherapist Owen O’Kane — author of How to Be Your Own Therapist and former NHS Mental Health Lead — often talks about how we can actively support our own emotional health by adopting small, intentional practices that change our internal tone and perspective.

Examples of how to start to support your wellbeing, especially through how you speak to yourself and engage with your inner world.

Notice How You Talk to Yourself

One of Owen’s central ideas is that the way we talk to ourselves matters — and not in a small way. Many of us habitually use harsh, critical language when things don’t go as planned. But if you wouldn’t talk to someone you love that way, why speak to yourself like that? Owen encourages asking:

“How are you talking to yourself right now?”

If your internal language is unkind, start by reframing it with gentler, supportive statements like:

“I’m doing my best right now.”
“It’s okay to feel this way — I’ve got you.”

This isn’t about “forced positivity.” It’s about choosing a language that supports your nervous system and invites regulation rather than stress.

Set Aside Small Daily Practices (Even 10 Minutes Helps)

You don’t need hours of therapy to make meaningful change — even 10 minutes a day of intentional practice can influence how you think and feel.

Some ideas you can try:

Mindful breathing — focus on your breath for a few minutes to calm the body and mind.
Thought journaling — write down recurring thoughts, notice patterns, and gently question them.
Daily check-ins — ask yourself: “How am I feeling?” without judgement.

These small tasks give you space between stimulus and response, which strengthens emotional regulation and reduces reactivity.

Understand Thoughts vs Feelings

Another foundation of supportive self-work is recognising the difference between thoughts and feelings. Thoughts come and go — they are mental events. Feelings are the emotional response your body has to those thoughts.

By noticing this difference, you can:

Observe thoughts without believing them automatically.
Name your feelings without being overwhelmed by them and locate them in your body.

This creates psychological distance — which helps reduce the intensity of negative self-talk.

Reduce the Struggle With Life — Not the Experience

Much of the human distress comes not from what happens, but from how much we fight against what happens. When life doesn’t go as we hoped or expected, we push, resist, or try to control outcomes we can’t fully control — and this increases suffering.

A helpful shift is to notice:

What is real in this moment?
What am I resisting that I can’t change right now?

Acceptance isn’t resignation — it’s freeing up energy to act where you do have influence.

Build Psychological Flexibility

A key component of resilience is psychological flexibility — the ability to adapt your thinking and behaviour with changing circumstances. People who tolerate uncertainty and are gentle with themselves during uncomfortable emotions tend to handle stress more effectively.

Practices that build flexibility include:

Reframing unhelpful thoughts
Exploring multiple perspectives
Remaining curious about yourself rather than judgmental, and practice being kind to yourself

Flexibility helps shift your relationship with thoughts — from something that happens to you to something you can notice, assess, and respond to if it is helpful.

Bring Compassion Into Your Internal Dialogue

Ultimately, supporting yourself is not about perfection — it’s about kind attention and steady curiosity. Deep wellbeing comes when you not only notice what you think and feel, but speak to yourself in ways that are supportive rather than critical.

Try this practice: Before you go to sleep tonight, gently say to yourself:

“I see you. I’m here with you. I’m supporting you.”

Even if it feels unfamiliar, this shifts your internal tone toward one that nourishes rather than depletes. Try it for 14 days and see what happens-what do you have to lose.....

Final Thought

True support isn’t something someone else gives you — it’s a set of inner processes and practices you cultivate over time. By becoming aware of your internal language, learning how to refract harsh self-talk, and regularly practising small supportive habits, you build emotional resilience and a kinder inner world.

As Owen reminds us, being your own therapist isn’t about replacing professional support — it’s about empowering yourself with tools that help you navigate life with curiosity, flexibility, and compassion.