“Trying to Nose Breathe… But Your Nose Didn’t Get the Memo?”

Let’s talk about something we all do (hopefully): breathe.

Now, I’m not trying to brag, but I’ve been breathing since birth. Pretty consistently, too.

But recently, I learned there’s a right way to do it.

Apparently, we’re supposed to breathe through our nose like serene woodland creatures and not like someone who just ran for the bus and missed it anyway.

“Okay, sure,” I thought, “I’ll become a nose-breathing guru.”But the universe had other plans. My nose was BLOCKED.

Blocked like the highway on a long weekend.

Blocked like your ex’s number after a breakup.

Blocked like I had stuffed cotton balls in my sinuses and then sealed them with cement.

So there I was, committed to nose breathing… without a functioning nose.

The Buteyko Method (A.k.a. “How to Trick Your Nose into Opening Like a Polite Guest at a Dinner Party.”)

The Method to the (Mucus) Madness

The Buteyko Method is a surprisingly simple breathing trick that claims it can unblock your nose naturally. No sprays, no steam, no sacrificing your dignity to a neti pot.

Here’s how it goes:

1. Take a gentle breath in through your nose (or attempt it).

2. Breathe out—softly. This isn’t a dragon exhale.

3. Pinch your nose shut.

4. Hold your breath and nod your head up and down like you're agreeing with a wise, invisible breathing coach.

5. Hold until you feel like your body is politely tapping you on the shoulder saying, “Hey buddy… maybe breathe now?”

6. Release and breathe gently through your nose.

7. Repaet 6 times

Boom. That’s it.

What Happened Next?

At first, I was sceptical. Then suddenly—nostril victory.

My nose opened. Like it heard the call of nasal freedom.

It wasn’t perfect, but it was enough for air to flow without whistling or wheezing.

I felt calm. Empowered. Slightly smug.

I walked around the house sniffing things just because I could.

Moral of the Story?

Mouth breathing is for emergencies and karaoke.

Nose breathing is where the magic (and actual health benefits) happen.

And if your nose decides to throw a tantrum and shut down?

Don't panic. Don’t stuff it with tissue like a DIY nose plug.

Just try this weird, gentle Buteyko trick. You might look a little silly nodding around like a nasal bobblehead, but it works. And hey—breathing clearly is worth it.

Now excuse me while I go sniff some eucalyptus and silently judge mouth-breathers in public.